


Lesser Spotted Con Job

by Distracted



Category: Leverage
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distracted/pseuds/Distracted
Summary: Hardison has never liked the woods. Eliot knows this and when an opportunity comes up to torment the other man, he just can't let it pass.Pure fluff.Set post First Contact Job in season five.
Relationships: Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	Lesser Spotted Con Job

**Author's Note:**

> A certain other fic I'm working on right now made me sad, so I needed to write something funny. Not sure how good it is but hope you enjoy.
> 
> (Also, forgive any typos. It was literally written in an hour on my break at work)

Lesser Spotted Con Job

The bar they're in is deep in the Kentucky woods, tables scarred, wooden floor scuffed and dented. Eliot leans back against the scuffed vinyl seat, drinking down a swig of his beer, not bothering to hide his amusement as he watches Hardison take everything in with a slightly horrified air. To Eliot, the simple and battered surroundings are comfortable; he's been in fifty or more places just like it, and he'll probably visit just as many more. Hardison seems to be taking the lack of amenities as a personal affront, and something about the man's bitching is hitting Eliot's funny bone. 

"How do people live like this, barely any WiFi, speeds are crap as hell," Hardison grumbles, taking a swig of his orange soda. "I cannot wait to get back to civilisation." 

Eliot smirks. "Least we found this place. Our other option was a campsite with outdoor plumbing," he drawls, and bites the inside of his lip when Hardison recoils in horror. His beer is empty, and he's still under his self imposed limit so he holds the bottle up, "want another?" 

"Yeah, man," Hardison says, attention mostly on his laptop and Eliot stands, making his way back to the bar. There's a decent crowd in, and he has to wait a few minutes, so he sits on a barstool, idly examining the bowls in front of him. There's the usual peanuts, pork rinds, and a bowl of mixed spiced seeds and peas. He idly picks up a small pea, rolling it between his fingers and fights off the urge to create mischief when he spots a pot of straws, just wide enough for his plan to work. 

A quick glance back at their booth tells him Hardison is still typing away, mining data and the urge is just too much. Eliot reaches over and snags a straw, loading his missile and taking careful aim. The pea hits Hardison on the cheek and the hacker flinches, hand slapping his skin. Eliot can practically see the what the hell form over the hacker's head and grins, finding another pea. 

There's not much bare skin to aim at, and Eliot selects a spot on the other man's forearm, nailing him just above his wrist. The hacker jumps to his feet, glancing around in visible annoyance and confusion and it's all Eliot can do not to laugh aloud. 

The bartender finally reaches Eliot and he orders another round, twisting to see what Hardison is doing while he waits for the bottles. The hacker has sat back down, but he's clearly not focused, hand idly rubbing the mark on his arm. 

Eliot fishes a twenty out of his pocket and slides it over the bar, taking the bottles with one hand. He can't resist picking out another pea, firing it at the side of Hardison's head. He jumps as it connects, hand slapping the spot and this time Eliot laughs aloud. 

"Whatrya doing?" Parker asks as she ambles closer, feeling her own mouth curve into a smile at the mirth on Eliot's face. 

"Torturing Hardison," he says, and opens his hand to show her the peas. 

"Oh," she says, slowly, then spots the straw. "Oh! Show me," she asks and grins as he nails Hardison on the arm again. 

The bartender comes back with his change, and Eliot takes it back, minus a decent tip, looking a question at Parker. She shakes her head, so he pockets the cash and leads the way back to the table. 

"What took you so long?" Hardison grouses, gaze dropping to his arm where a couple of small welts are forming. 

Oops, Eliot thinks, feeling mildly bad about that, then decides to run with it. "What happened?" he asks, leaning over for a closer look. 

"I dunno, man. Something was biting me, I think," Hardison says and snatches up the fresh bottle. 

"They look like Lesser Spotted Asper fly bites, man. Can be nasty. My friend Lenny had to get his leg amputated after one got infected. It's a very distinctive bite," Eliot says casually and almost chokes as he takes a swig of beer at the same time Hardison yells in horror, grabbing at his arm. He's pretty sure the hacker reached a pitch only dogs can hear. 

"What do I do, man?" Hardison asks, hand going to his head. "One bit me on the face. On. My. Face. Oh my god, I knew coming here was a bad idea…I am not built for this country stuff…" 

Parker breaks first, lip quirking into a full on grin before the laugh sneaks out of her, pure and joyful and it shatters Eliot's control. He tips his head back, roaring with laughter and tries to force it down because Hardison is looking murderous. He splutters on his beer, ribs aching from belly laughing so hard. 

"You think that this is funny?" Hardison asks indignantly, then blinks. "Wait a minute, your friend Lenny?" His voice rises again, cracking. 

Eliot's laughing too hard to intercept the first punch Hardison swings at his shoulder, but he catches the second, fending the other man off with good humour. He digs in his pocket and fishes out the slightly mangled straw and a small pile of peas, dumping them on the table. "They make good missiles," he says. 

"Payback is a bitch, Eliot," the hacker warns, pointing a long finger at the other man. "And you, you're meant to be on my side," he bitches at Parker who grins, and leans over to plant a kiss on his cheek. 

Eliot pops a pea in his mouth and smirks at the hacker. "Bring it on, dude."


End file.
